You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
