I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
