The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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