Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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