through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You're a waste of cheezeits
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
