she was so not down for the gang bang
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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