I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
