dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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