Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
