how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
