Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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