remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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