he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We left the knife in your bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Still dying that you shit outside
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
