do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
