I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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