and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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