you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
