u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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