Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
