I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
