The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
