My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
