Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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