Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
