i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
