If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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