I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Two words: blizzard sex
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
