the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
