Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
