I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
