forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
