____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
