WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
pray to the hookup gods
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
