how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Randomize
