Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
from now on my penis is your penis
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
