3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
