you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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