So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
