The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
