is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
