Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
