I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
