1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
