I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
