garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
