i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
