I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
