it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do vagina's smell?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
