i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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