there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
