3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
