Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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